Rajiv Prabhakaran OH 1981-1984
Thursday 22 February 2024
The Club has been informed of the death of Rajiv in Brunei aged 56
Rajiv Prabhakaran OH (56) 13 April 1967 – 1 February 2024This is a tough one. I presume it always is when it’s family in such circumstances but this is especially so. So many memories, so many thoughts, so many good times, so many fights, so many laughs, so many misbehaviours, so many tears I don’t know where to start.Rajiv was taken away from us by 4th stage small cell lung cancer after being diagnosed in June 2021. Not many last beyond 1 year but he battled it for 2 and a half years. The initial shock and tears were horrid. The fight was undertaken initially with fear of the unknown, then with steadfast resilience. More often than not with a smile and a joke. As he would say, “you either cry or you laugh and I prefer to laugh”. He was at peace with it towards the end as he knew that he had given his all. His one regret was that he would miss all the landmark events in his 2 daughters’ lives. Whilst we, his family, supported him throughout by putting up a brave face in front of him, it was a struggle accepting that this was his fate. Much much too young!It is rare that siblings stay together all their lives but Rajiv and I somehow found ourselves in that situation. Growing up together in Penang, leaving Malaysia in our early teens to a foreign land to attend HCS, struggling with having too much fun and trying to get into University to study law, doing the bar exams, working in our dad’s law firm in Malaysia, working in the same law firm in Brunei, continuing to live close by and see each other almost every day, very simply explains the bond we formed. The day he passed on left me in a state of vacuous emptiness. No more smiles, no more suffering, no more mental anxiety, no more pain, just a sense of nothingness.There are too many things to mention that will forever ensure his presence in our lives made a difference. I will relate one; after I got married and Santhi was pregnant with Uma, at our annual pay review with our dad, Rajiv simply said that he did not need a pay rise and told my dad that I was more in need of it for obvious reasons and instructed that his pay rise be given to me instead. This simple act of benevolence and generosity speaks volumes about who he was as a human being.Over the 56 years of Rajiv’s life, his “I can’t be bothered” overly chilled attitude to everything life threw at him became his hallmark which his family and friends will remember him for. Unfortunately that very same attitude to smoking led to his undoing. Whilst his last two and a half years were smoke free we said good bye to him with a fag in his fingers and a full pack in his pocket. I’m sure that would bring a smile to him.He is now with mum and dad and I’m sure they are having a ball. Our love for him never dies and this poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye bears testament to that love.Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rushOf quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die.Roy Prabhakaran OH